All you soft cycling sissies who think you ride bikes hard ought to take a look at what real cycling men were up to, back when bike riders were top notch scorchers. So you think riding around on lightweight carbon is going to score you points in the hard man cycling stakes, think again, you don't know what you're talking about.
Now that I've got you choking on your bucket of frothed up half warm coffee flavoured milk, take a look at what E. Fougera and his scorching wheelmen were doing for training in the days when men boxed on. Come on let's face it, you're not a real bike rider unless you know how to fight ... that means punching on hard at whatever comes your way. Look at E. Fougera's list for hard scorching wheelmen, blokes who could go flog up a bear, charm a snake, master antipodean club fighting, tame a lion, come up trumps at axe fighting, kill just about anything with their bare hands and win bike races wearing proper attire like E.Fougera's HOSE GUARD.
Designed to cup a man's parts in the right place while winning at sport, whether you're punching or pedalling. E. Fougera didn't stop at protecting your soft assets, this hard thinking sports company also produced Anti Stiff liniment with strengthening and stimulating benefits.
You wilting pansies wouldn't want to wake up to Anti Stiff, the liniment for hard hitting bike riders. I remember blokes using the weaker Finalgon cream. At cold wet races before the start, first they'd rub Finalgon into their knees and other body parts for pain relief and maximum circulation in the cold. Some riders would forget to wash their hands after rubbing in the Finalgon, then get it all over their private parts while "taking a leak" before the start. Boy did they pay the price. Anti Stiff is Finalgon multiplied, more on Anti Stiff later.
ABOUT THE CRANK BY JOHN CASKEY
The Crank is the embodiment of archetypal cranky veteran bike riders, whose worn out bike riding stories are embellished each time they are recounted. Hard as nails The Crank is a devious scoundrel who rides roughshod over anyone who has the misfortune to meet him. This Crank story by Robert Cobcroft.