G’day Folks,

The Crank here. Thought it was about time that someone with real experience put in and set some of the newer riders straight about the essence of cycling. I’ve been watching you blokes flailing away and feel sort of sorry for you. So, if you think cycling is all carbon fibre and VO5 lactose intolerance tests take your hand off it and read on.

Recently I’ve heard some of the new vets from your club discussing nutrition as if it mattered. You soft buggers worry about how much water you drink. Well I’m here to tell you ..........WATER MAKES YOU SOFT. In my day you’d do one hundred miles on one bottle and still have enough to wash your face at the end of the ride so you could be sweet for the missus. Here’s the plan. Wake up 5 am. Fill bottle. Put a weetbix and peanut butter sandwich in your back pocket. Go meet the boys. Start the ride. 30 miles in, eat weetbix and peanut butter. 50 miles in, stop at pub. Later that afternoon start home. 80 miles in, one bex and coke. Hammer home. Now that’s a Sunday ride that made you HARD. Before you know it you’re riding races without anything more than a mouthful of water (saves on weight). Remember all distances are MILES not “K”s.

Signed The Crank A Legend In His Own Bicycle Shed

About The Crank By John Caskey

The Crank is the embodiment of archetypal cranky veteran bike riders, whose worn out bike riding stories are embellished each time they are recounted. Hard as nails The Crank is a devious scoundrel who rides roughshod over anyone who has the misfortune to meet him. This Crank story by John Caskey.